Random Notes

An official Masshole now
I'm an official masshole now. say what? my dear friend Jelani (from MSU who lives in worcester 40miles away) informed me that I'm a masshole. well this masshole hates tom brady....so I can't be a true one, but I don't mind being one while he is on disability!

Crazy things about Massachusetts:
- the rolling stop is done by EVERYONE! school buses, garage trucks, cop cars, grandmas! in michigan it's not too bad because really there aren't that many people, here... whew! and if you do stop, better what out because they are skipping you in line...lost your turn for coming to a stop & gaurenteed honkin behind u!
- everyone wears their emotions and thoughts on the outside. no midwest nice. I'm gonna tell ya what I think about it and about YOU and YOU should be strong enough of a person to deal with it! I actually love this! you know where and how u stand with everyone, no hidden agenda etc.

Rhode Island
...is where I work. 20 minutes away from our apt. and 40 mins from Boston. not too bad.
...is a large city with a small town mentality. everyone knows everyone, no one leaves, wants to leave, or thinks they will ever leave- why leave when everything is perfect here!
...is gorgeous! the entire state takes 1 1/2 hrs from one end to the next both ways to drive. and the ocean surrounds most of it, love it, can't wait til summer

jon is at classes three days a week all day, so we only see each other tues & fri nites after I get out of work and the weekends. I work normal people hours! about damn time! 3 years of night shift is enough! m-f 7-4pm no weekends/no holidays. my boss honestly respects me and my opinion & she is welcome to constructive feedback on herself, the unit, and the hospital. my last boss pretended she wanted feedback, but got defensive and than offensive when u tried to give it. I get to do more administrative things on this new job, which i like. the patient population is different. less crazy neuro/psych/alcohol/drug overdose patients or crazy older adults with UTIs! these pts are honestly sick and medical care is needed, no babysitting.

miss friends and family though. things can be lonely. I fill my evenings with working out, JEOPARDY!, and reading. over the last 2 weeks I finished: Janet Evanovich's #13 & #14 (highly recommend the series- literally I laugh out loud!), Newest Nicholas Sparks book, The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down. Currently two fisting Friedrich Nietzsche & a management book.

miss everyone hope all is well!

Current Music: end of jeopardy

Takala
wow it has been a long long time since I have posted here. gotta say disappointed in myself. also disappointed to see that I am not the only one falling behind in posts. also disappointed that Lj changed and I cannot for the life of me figure how the heck to look back at old entries of friends on the friends page. I'm sure it's something I have set up, but I can only handle so much technology.

new things:
married- life is good. lived together for over a year before so not much has changed in that portion.
Takala- new last name. weird, not the biggest fan, but have seen many many other last names that would be far worse. I did the middle name swap and drop. so instead of Jessica Rae Evans, I am not Jessica Evans Takala. no hyphen last name, just old last is middle now. old middle name, gone.
moving to the east coast. the day we got back from our honeymoon (nueva vallarta) jon got an email that he got accepted off the wait list at northeastern unv in boston ma for nurse anesthesia school. so we're crazy. no kids no house, hate our current jobs. meh about Gr Rapids, let's go! Jon drives out labor day, I follow in a few days. gonna be very very weird living solo again. at least I'll have dora as my roomy still. but sadly we couldnt find a place in MA for Dora to come to. it was either expensive or shitty. so she'll stay with my angel mom for at least 1 year, hopefully no more.

lots had changed.
miss you guys

glad to see some still post!

Current Mood: productive

Learning to Grow

News
Jon interviewed at Northeastern, in Boston, and got on the waitlist. which is awesome! Already farther than we expected for first time applying. Yet we decided that we're not going there even if he gets in. Too much $$$$$! Per credit is about twice anywhere else, on top of that the city is $$$. Which is sad because I would love Boston, yet Jon may lose me to the liberal artsy arena, I do tend to get immersed in that stuff and barely see the ground!

Registered for gifts was a lot more fun than I expected. I figured 30 mins into it Jon and I would fight and quit. Instead we were silly and really lovey. He registered for a mystery gift: the Man Groomer! haha just to see if anyone will buy it for him. We laughed about that for a long long time, oh wait still laughing! My new friend Theresa was pretty confused about it.

Work is busy as hell. I am liking it a little better. My manager wants to grow me, because she and the Director see a lot of potential in me. Not sure what that means, but ok. Well growing is painful. Full of classes and meeting with the Manager to talk about me weak points. I know my weak points: STUBBORN and PROUD and I am ok with them, but when she says them, it hurts. My Director met with me to give me some of her wisdom, which sounds retarded, but honestly she's a smart woman that communicates things very affectively. When I told her I was frustrated with things Heidi (my manager) heard things I may have said to another person and it was taken in the worse possible light, it felt good to tell someone that. It felt good to know my manager has an upline that cares about me too, and it;s not all me being inexperienced and needing to grow. My manager has only been one for 2.5 years. Maybe taking rumor as fact isn't the best thing to do. So for now I am willing to learn, we'll see down the road. Sometimes I wanna throw something just to be irrational, immature, and random!

I love Jon and he loves me. Frustrating thing though, he doesnt like when I hang out with Mike (old boyfriend). Mike and I hang once a month for lunch or coffee- always public areas. Jon came once about a year ago and decided Mike's still in love with me. I dont see it. I just wish Jon would/could get over it. I feel like I have to sneak around to hang with Mike, like he and I hanging out is something horrible! It will be interesting if that comes out in our counceling next week with Pastor Will.

well I best get to bed. I'm exhausted and have church tomorrow. Then meeting my parents and grandparents for the 1st day of spring- unofficially marked by the annual openning of Sherman's Diary barn....mmm love ice cream!

Selection Sunday is tomorrow!!!! GO STATE!!!

Current Mood: exhausted

My Friends...
Stevo
Post a comment and I'll.....
1. Tell you why I friended you. Because you were fun to hang with and nice to talk about life with
2. Associate you with something - Jewel, Weezer, goatee
3. Tell you something I like about you. Taste in music
4. Tell you a memory I have of you. You laying on Autumn's apt floor drunk and an unknown girl humping you and you having a HUGE SMILE on your face
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you. If Jewel ended up missing....would I have to tell the cops where you live?
6. Tell you my favourite user pic of yours. The current one is cool, not one in particular comes to mind, sorry

ABBY
1. Tell you why I friended you. Cuz I was a freshman and looked up to the cool and wise Senior!
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, a word etc. Letters, playing Cards, Red Hat
3. Tell you something I like about you. Your wit!
4. Tell you a memory I have of you. Your laugh in various memories. Or Yelling at Ryn, haha!
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you. What started you on the letter writing campaign?
6. Tell you my favourite user pic of yours. Easy the new purple fedora one

Autumn aka Kitten (here kitty kitty- per creepy guy at volleyball)
1. Because you make me laugh
2. Build Me Up Buttercup and Sandstorm and Tuffs
3. Your great sense of humor!
4. Playing Beer Pog with you and you kept thinking I was your teammate - u were sooo wasted, yet won!
5. In an arm wrestle match do u think u or Lance would win? You did have experience with 10 pound hammers!
6. the old one of the kitty flippin us off

Super Fat Tuesday brings flowers!
Today is a good day. How and why is that you say?

1. It's Fat Tuesday =  paczki for everyone! I am currently eatting a strawberry filled pączek right now and loving every minute of it! I bought one for Jon - I doubt he'll eat it. He goes in these "healthy" phases and is in one now. So I bought one for him to be nice, but secretly I hope he turns it down. And I cannot waste a wonderful pączek! So I will be forced to eat a second one!

Fat tuesday is also good because I can relgiously reflect on life and see where I want to be. I have decided for lent instead of giving something up (which I may do something little) I am going to take on 10 minutes of prayer and meditation daily- MANDATORY! which will help with my stress levels I think. Unless I become stressed on getting mediation in!!!! ahhh! haha jk

2. It's SUPER Tuesday! I love politics! I think most people who hate politics is because they don't understand them and how excitng they can be! Seriously, this debate has more weight than the SUper bowl, so root for someone dammit! I'm rooting for Obama. Got my bumper sticker, pin on my coat and a tshirt on back order. Cannot wait til all the results tonight, sad I'm at work and going to have to mute my excitement/disappointment til the morning.

Went to a Diversity Workshop at work. It really wasn't a workshop as much as a conference, but they want us to build ourselves more, hence the terminology workshop. I am one of those nerdy people who like conferences! I guess it charges me up and makes me like my job and the hospital system more. Anyway the two presenters were awesome, down to earth, and not talking at all the white people like a lot of the presenters on diversity do. more from the perspective that we all need to be culturally aware and competent.

3. Free flowers and a cute vase: At the end of these conferences Spectrum always gives out the center pieces. I remember this, so when I sat down I stated "oh what a lovely vase, I'm looking at using something similar for my wedding this summer". Four hours later the VP states that someone can take the center piece home and who knew! the lady across the table stated "jessie you should take the centerpiece, so you can use the vase at your wedding". my reply "oh what a good idea! is everyone else alright with that?" everyone smiled and stated, "it's all yours I don't want it, good luck this summer". hehe! it's a cute short cylinder vase, the flowers are just babysbreath (lame compared to the gerbers and tulips) but the vase is better. yes that is what a scoped out- all the centerpieces when things got lame.

4. Went for a hike/run and it's getting slightly warmer out. After the conference I took Dora for a hike/jog on the wet snowy trails. when we were done I trimmed her toenails b/c they desperately needed it! I have cut her nails almost monthly and cut Ralph (parents dog) for years, and this is the first time I cut too short! EEEK! she bled and bled and bled some more! I couldn't get it to stop, no matter how much pressure or wrap I put on it. finally I woke Jon up (he has to work in a couple hours :(   ) he helped me. I felt horrible! I don't want her to lick her leg and remove the clot so I gave her a rawhide and had her sit next to me on the couch, while I research for my class. well somewhere in there she started to tend to her foot again and no matter how I shooed her or tried to redirect her to her bone it wouldn't work. So I did something I'm not proud of......I smeared strawberry jam from my pączek on her rawhide especially on the end where the cracks are and showed it to her. She has been working nonstop on that for 1/2 hour now. Mission accomplished.

Besides the time I was drunk I haven't given her any hint of human food. I was drunk and had a fry held out for myself (cuz I was drunk) and she jumped up and snatched it! I laughted and laughed and laughed about it for hours.... cuz I was DRUNK! come on! how many times do I have to tell you! I was drunk, it was funny! (to me- not so much to Jon)

So today is a good day. Not perfect. Perfect would be 75 degrees and sunny and I'd be sitting on my back porch, book in hand and a Michelada (mexican beer with tomato juice, lime, salt, and worshire sauce) in the other hand.

Current Music: Last Kiss Soundtrack

life in jessie's world
I'm taking my first masters class right now and i love it! It's Health Policy and Administration. Which sounds lame, but it's awesome. We examine the US health system and how shitty it is. We examine how health care is provided to the underserved, how politics influence it, and how the American ideals of capitalism shapes our health care. LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

Which taking this class reminds me: what am I doing? My job is alright. there are days I HATE it, days I could take it or leave it, and days I somewhat like it. It's experience to build a resume really. But night shift is getting old. Things are so up in the air for Jon and I's future. it gets frustrating!

Jon got an interview at Northeastern (boston). Love the city, hate the high costs. He's also going to apply to Union in Jackson TN near Memphis. No from Virginia Commonwealth, No from Charleston Area Medical (West VA). If doesn't get in any where, I'm highly considering going part time masters and working parttime. Just need to get moving and do something. Just not sure where and what.

wedding planning is going well. we're pretty laid back and trying to spend very little money so it makes decisions a lot easier.   met with the pastor today, we're doing counseling with him beforehand. there's this "quiz" type thing that we both complete then talk about key issues with Pastor Will about. I think it's going to be a little intense, but that's the point.

all this snow and I want to ski ski ski. yet I never have time/always working. every time it snows, I'm working for 3-4 days and can't go. soon I will be out there. probably end up breaking a leg or something stupid and barely be rehabed before my wedding.

my coworker is a big hunter and whenever I see him he always talks about taking dora out hunting. not sure how i feel about it. she'd love it I'm sure.

last week at work we had a detoxer, we ended up putting him in leather restraints. then I got a call from another RN "jessie we need you and security" patient's girlfriend was screaming at pt's daughter, throwing things, then later in the night we had a code. WTF! what a horrid night! haven't had that since I started charge over a year ago!

Oh btw at work there's a resident who is Kevin Madison's life double!   seriously! same height, build, same walk, same flock of seagles hair! after talking to him a second, not as cool, and doesn't sound like kevin, but it weirds me out everytime I see him

(it doesn't weird me out as much as my old roommates, Kristen, life double! I cannot help giving her a dirty look when I see her in cafeteria, and I don't even know her!)

Current Music: space balls on Tv

umm...that's not a port....
I thought Abby and Gwen would especially like this little story: ( was going to post it in a comment to Abby but it's too funny!)

My fiance, Jon , is also a nurse, for those who didn't know. He now works on the cardiovascular recovery unit. Translation, when patients have open heart surgery, afterwards they are taken to his unit for 1 on 1 care and recovery. He maintains their fluid levels, vitals, and extubates them (removes the breathing tube and makes sure they can breath on their own). Before this floor he worked on the same floor as me; Neuroscience.

One day he went to the charge nurse, Cheri, and asked for help accessing a port (rubber device under the patients skin layers that allows easy access to veins). Not sure if Abby explained this, but the nurse grabs a specific needle (huber) and more or less quickly jabs (yeah literally, if you go too slow it doesn't pierce the skin and rubber well which makes it hurt more) into the port. This patient was a very old little lady who was not conscious. He needed to access the port to take a blood sample to make sure she did not have an infection. well he had tried once and failed, and couldn't understand what he was doing wrong. (we do not access ports often on my floor).

Cheri went into assist him and discovered that Jon was piercing the needle to what he thought was the port. This patient was very thin so you can see everything, and her not being conscious she couldnt tell him what he was doing wrong. Jon was poking the needle at the patient's pacemaker (heartbeat regulator) instead of the port! ports are mainly on the right side of the chest, pacemakers on the left!

ok this may not be as funny to those non-nurses! the patient was ok, she didn't feel a thing, and when she came to she never said her skin over the pacer hurt. and the pacer is just a plastic box, so no harm done.

On a side note: Friday night we had a patient that freaked out so much that I ended up taking her as a patient. Being supervisor I don't have patients of my own- just help everyone with the 45 on our floor. this patient has early dementia and was EXTREMELY PARANOID! she thought the RN and nurse aid was a couple that beat up her roommate and was after her next! she was out of control anxious and worked up in the hallway. finally the Physicians assistant and I talked her down, got her to bed, and placed a new IV (she pulled out the previous one b/c "THEY were putting evil things into her") and I gave her a wonderful drug called ATIVAN (sedative). to which she slept 4 hours and freaked out again, more ATIVAN. I literally felt like I had demetia!

Current Mood: cranky

OBAMA rocks my world!
78% Obama, Clinton or Edwards

Hmmm.....I'm an Obama fan through and through. already have the bumper sticker in my car window, the button on my new coat, and the Tshirt on back order. I'm in the middle of ready the Audacity of Hope. it's really good and he's such a down-to-earth person, but some of the political stuff is thick for me. there should be alternate chapters for those who want to read on about policy and those who want the Cliff Notes version. what a lazy person I am, I know. I think he cuts the crap, and doesn't hesistate to reach across the aisle if it means passing a good law for the people.

My dad and I honestly think that Hilary would bring us Chelsea's severed arm if that meant being president. In her crying episode notice that she mentioned being president was a personal goal for her, not to help serve the people. Leadership through Servitute is what I'm all about.

Seven Deadly Sins of A Pirate!
[because everyone's post is sad lately- and today is the first time I utter the words "what am I doing, is this what I really want?"- aloud, I'm not ready to write it yet. so it will be on delay- yes what a cliffhanger. is she talking about work, her dog, her engagement, living in MI, a new tattoo, or simply the color of nail polish for this week.......to be continued.]

instead for pure stupid silliness....

Reasons I believe my dog is secretly a PIRATE!!!
- she says ARRGGGGG alot (especially when fighting)
- she enjoys fighting
- she steals shit
- she hides her treasures in dark places where I cannot get to (under the bed)
- she digs for buried treasure
- her diet is shit (literally)
- I don't understand her when she talks (Baxter you know I don't speak spanish!"
- she can sleep anywhere
- she will sleep with anyone
- she pisses on your stuff when she's pissed at you

The other day Dora (our 20lb beagle/jack russel terrier mix) was just so pumped about Christmas and seeing all these people etc etc Jon gave her an 10 inch raw hide bone to occupy herself so she's settle the hell down! she DEVOURED the raw hide in less than 40 minutes- not kidding! she can finish one in a day, but this dog was on more speed than Puffy (dog from There's Something About Mary). So that was impressive but than to top it off.....she threw up the entire thing! that's Gluttony at it's finest my friends!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

PS forget hero I'm a GUITAR GOD!!!

Current Mood: devious
Current Music: Smoke on the Water -Deep Purple--from Guitar hero!

Sexy Hair and Rockin it

In strides this woman, she's confident and knows what she's about. Her radiant sexy hair is pulled up in a pony with an elastic thin headband showing she knows how to look sexy while sweating. She pulls off her heavy fleece to display her Tshirt, number 5 on the back. It's her number, and has been for 10 years. She tears off her windpants to reveal....NO SHINGUARDS!!! damn she's serious! she means business! she effortlessly does a few stretches, showing that she's prepared to take down the beast. On the field she runs like a gazelle, yet almost like a crab because she can run forward, backward, and sideways in a dead run switching directions to fend off her opponent. She chatters on the field with her teammates telling them where she, the opponents and fellow teammates are to take down the beast. The beast was a young indoor soccer team with lots of substitutes. Her team was on average 10 years their senior. But it didn't bother these oldies. They still can run and play with the best of them. Of course youth and many substitutes couldn't be defeated as they won 5-3 against this woman's team. But she proudly shook their hands, did some stretches then sauntered out off the field because she may have not won the game, but damn she's got some fine looking hair! not just "oh it's nice" but the men watch her as she trots off and all they can think about is what that hair would look like on their pillowcase.

well I have hot hair and have physically spent with playing indoor and with 3 hours of interrupted sleep- DORA! I'm off to conquer the post office and a couple places for gift cards! thought this was more fun to inform you that #1 my hair stylist is awesome #2 I play indoor soccer now. It's in Cedar Sprngs so a 40min drive. but awesome people on the team!

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: La Tortura (shakira)

hello from a cold Grand rapids

work : the decision last time was either say FUCK IT or CHANGE. a week after the 1st time my boss had a talk with me, she had another. I started in the FUCK IT phase 1= vaguely telling my boss they need to get to know me, she's handicapping them by not making them talk to me, and this isn't the job I want in the next 5 yrs. after the weekend I talked with her again- changed plans: CHANGE phase 1 = accepting that there is an issue. I intimidate the new RNs- which I think came from me oersonally not wanting them there- tired of constant change and constantly teaching new RNs and dealing with new RN issues/mistakes. Phase 1 is complete, changed a little. Manager wants me to take leadership classes across the street- next week we'll meet. At 1st I wanted nothing to do with this- now I realize the classes are during the daytime- so at least one of my days will be on normal hours- Change Phase 3 soon. Night shift is getting old fast. Love the people- hate switching over and feeling nauseous.

love: jon applied to three nurse anesthestist schools: Virginia Commonwealth, Charleston Area Medical Center (WV), and Northeaster (boston). He flew to VA last week and had an interview- he didn't get in :( it was our first pick. so now waiting on two others. we're getting along better. just issues with preparing to buckle down financially for the wedding and for him to go to school next year.

hair; my hair looks like shit. Can't wait to get a trim and reshaped this week. rehighlighting top, low lights to the bottom, so I don't look freakishly blonde on the bottom. would love to cut it to shoulder length and darken it. the day after we get married I'm cutting it short! can't wait! now it's the middle of my back.

wedding plans: the hall, photographer, caterer, dress, colors all picked out. waiting to meet up with Stacey (sister) to get bridesmaid dress (she's the only one standing up with me). waiting on Jon to come to church with me for once to feel out if we want to have Pastor Will conduct the ceremony or coworkers husband who is a lay pastor. I honestly cannot decide.

church; found a church I love. relaxed I wear jeans with nice sweater. honest down to earth pastor and people. not too contemporary not traditional. I really needed this in my life and glad God gave it to me. I'm so liberal and hate most churches for their hypocracy that I visited at least 10 churches in the GR area before finding this one.

friends: miss everyone love everyone hope we'll be able to meet up sometime this month.

Current Music: charlie brown christmas CD

You are the owner of your own Happiness

Hello....helloooo....is anybody out there?

I feel like I am rarely on Lj anymore. I became addicted to Fb. People tried to get me into MySpace but forgot my password and was too confused of the layout so I quite. but I'm glad you still write, so I can catch up on your life.

Jessie update
- Still living in Hudsonville in a townhome with Jon.
- Still getting married July 5th (although lately we fight more. he's not happy with something.....not sure what.....but I have dealt with that before and know that I cannot fix it. You are the owner of your own happiness. he better fix it fast- hence why wedding plans are kinda on pause)
- Bought a dress. it's lovely- got it in ludington for $300 less, much better! http://www.alfredangelo.com/index.cfm/fuseAction/COLLECTIONS.productDetail/fromAdvancedSearch/0/productID/cd13f074-c94a-43e9-9e56-03504eb647de/categoryID/6eb1ddbe-45d0-4d16-93d6-ca5ded5c84d6
- Got a dog- her name is Dora. She's a little beagle (18lbs little) and wont' grow anymore. Jon jokingly called her Dora cuz she's a little explorer, and I made it stick. So whenever someone says "dora? like the explorer?" I laugh laugh laugh and Jon frowns. Although she can be a little naughty I love her to pieces. She will go for runs but then snuggle during movies.
- Still working as a Supervisor. kinda tired of it now. boss pulled me into her office for the first time for constructive feedback last week. she told me that some of my new employees don't feel supported and I need to be more personal. she tried to Instruct me how to do so. this from a woman who's employees called her a cold hearted dike only months ago. all her tips are things I already do and more. she has no answers. I have a choice now: I can say Fuck them and continue how I am and I am sure they will see they are wrong (since the main reason I got this position is b/c staff felt I was a teamplayer and sacrificed for others) or I could seek out what it is. I have yet to decide what I will do. I know what I should do, but this position is so emotionally draining. Everyone's issues are mine because I am their supervisor. That sucks. Sometimes I wish I would have chosen the Road more traveled- gone to day shift as a regular nurse. Damn Robert Frost.
- Realized the other day my best friend is my mother. Jon is second. Which is alright- guess just different. In high school we (my mom and I) didn't get along at all, I was pretty hurtful to her.
- Saw Tina for the first time in a year (is that right- maybe more). We walked in the Susan Komen Breast cancer walk. haven't seen Matt since I left for mexico........when was that!?!?

Miss you guys! Hope we're doing something this winter to meet up again!
-

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: dora biting her toy

Enemies I have three!
I thought I saw my nemesis in the cafeteria at work last night. Woman looked just like her: red hair, heavy set, no distinguishing characteristics (no neck, shoulders, waist, hips, legs)like a ball, pale and freckly. My stomach still knotted up and I was ready to start the death glare! It was not her. She doesn't work at my hospital she works at the competitor (appropriate eh?). But it could have been her.

I only have two enemies in my life. She from college. And the other from high school. I know I create my own enemies. And honestly it all seems so pitiful now. But in life there are heros and enemies and I must have an enemy to have a hero, right? So there are two.

And I am working on a third. A woman from work. She came to my floor, berated an sweet nursing assitant that is a real go-getter, and I put my foot down. I sent a letter to her boss, and rumor has it she got written up. I don't like getting people in trouble but that bitch needed it! Not sure if has put my face to my name/title yet. She was bashing me to a old coworker of mine.

All three are enemies b/c of their character flaws: selfish, rude, and hurtful to others.

(OVERPOSTING!!! YES I AM!) and btw yes I just discovered the "rich text" tab---hello De-------layed!

Current Mood: bitchy

MoNOtonY SUx
I am antsy! I don't wanna be here, but I don't know where I wanna be. Here, where is here, don't know. State of mind, state of place, all the above. Yeah it's that time again, when I feel suffocated (sp?) with the monotony of life and I just wanna do something sporatic!

I cannot cut my hair- gotta grow it out for the wedding. Afterwards I'm gonna cut 10inches off and donate it. Jon thinks I'm kidding, deep down he knows I'm not and he doesn't like it. He threatens to shave his head and wear a Confederate flag shirt. It's an idle threat b/c he knows that would be totally crossing the line in my book!

Cannot move. Did that in April. Cannot get a knew job. Did that in March. Want a dog but Jon's dragging his feet now and told me to stop obsessing over it. I've wanted a dog for 6 years!

Gonna see the Tigers Weds night. Eating in Greektown. Lemme know if anyone wants to meet up there. My sister and parents are gonna be there too. And my parents friends. But we can ditch them (minus stacey she should come).

Stacey will be 21 October 6th. I will post her number and all should call her. Offered to rent her a hotel room for her and friends in downtown Gr Rapids but her friends are younger than her. Told her should could borrow mine, they're crazy and don't care who they drink with. although to be honest they will probably like her better than me. and I want her to date my coworker. cuz I think she'd like him and he her. but she's still with HIM (yeah Fucko's friend).

I'm taking some vacation time (8hrs in total) for labor day weekend for no reason besides I don't wanna be at work anymore. Will be camping the following weekend with Jon somewhere in MI.

I wanna smoke pot. I wanna do something silly and stupid and immature and crazy and something to make me feel like I'm alive! Can't go to another country- saving money plus I don't think Jon nor work will take that too well. See ya guys I'm off to Portugal for the month. Plus now that I'm not in school it's harder to set that stuff up.

I gotta do something. Or I'm gonna scream. I could do that, but it just lasts a few seconds. and it tends to scare people. whatever it is I better think of something or else it'll be something absolutely ridiculously irresponsible.

I feel it's coming out at work (my irrationalism) evidence: calling a coworker from a bar to tell him he sucks that he chose to go to work over us, mumbling that a patient's daughter needs to suck cock (overheard by coworker-who luckily laughed), not filtering my hatred and desire to fire the new secretary that I'm pissed as all hell that my manager hired.

AAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: nauseated

In Response to Stevo's Harry Met Sally issue
I think you're attracted to someone for their qualities. When you like the qualities in a woman or she in you, either of you consider dating the other, because that's how sociologically we learned. (if you date the opposite gender). If you like the qualities in a man or he in you, you never consider dating each other, you just become friends. (because you don't date men). I think this is the stem that creates the issues.

And you can look at certain qualities that women tend to have (whether that is taught or nature is still in debate), you honor and hold those qualities more closely to yourself, hence you are friends with more women. Just the opposite, I tend to honor and hold more closely "male qualities" hence I gravitate to be friends with more men.

As we age and people get married/serious relationships it complicates it. Our generation understands it more than our parents or even grandparents- being friends with opposite gender-because of college and gender roles relaxing much more. But as people get married it's hard for a female to be friends with a male who is married- just places an ackwardness on the man's relationship especially if the female is not friends with the wife. and vis versa. I'm finding this more and more true now, and tending to be/make friends of the same gender.

Sorry Sociological Jessie came out there. I miss soc stuff. Nursing is pretty black and white with little gray.

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Square Tape CD

Life is a Rollarcoaster baby
Ulcer gone- stomach still really really painful at umbilicus (bellybotton) when lightly pressed. forced to drink Barium contrast. ICK! CT of abdomin/pelvis= nothing, so no cancer. consult for a GI Dr. in august.

North Carolina in June- went with my parents, Stacey, and Jon. Jon still wants to marry me after that, lol! We rented a cottage 2blks from the beach, 3bed/2bath. It was cheap and we drove down. we sat around, tanned, swam, drank, ate, and played games all day. I needed that badly!

Work-is tons better. evaluations are done and the one employee that I thought would go apeshit on me, got shitty but I was able to control the convo well. kudos to me! set up my retirement account today- weird. it makes me feel old.

Ludington last weekend was fantastic! went with my parents, their high school friends, and their daughter with her new fiance. we sat around drinking playing Monkey Balls, eatting etc for 5 days. oh I went kayaking which was relaxing! I saw 2 families of swans, 1 family of geese, ducks, turtles, and doe and her calf. we were 5ft from the father swan!

wedding stuff. honestly I feel like I could barf! why? everyone I know is getting engaged! it must be this area and this age but FUCK! people engaged/married this year: Courtney, Mandy, Jenny, Jeanine, Allison, Meg, Steph, Laura, Sarah, Tim. All people I see on a frequent basis, which means we hear about wedding stuff constantly! yes it's a special thing but can we talk about something else! well back on that subject: we have a date and location- we think.

Humane society- 2 fridays ago Jon and I went to the humane society just to start looking, and we found the cutest little dog! our criteria: shorthaired, young, mediumsized female. she was a stray so we had to wait til monday to see if she gets found. Tuesday surgery then home with me. Tuesday morning- "I'm so sorry there was a mix up in paperwork, she was already adopted before you met her." fuckin hell! I cried, it was a bad day. Found out today that that particular society was shut down b/c of some illness spreading through had killed 3 dogs! not sure how I'd handle her dieing on me a week after bringing her home.

Making that Tuesday day worse, I received an email from the man who was on the motorcycle that accidently hit my friend Nikki and her fiance Joey back in Sept. They both died. He wanted forgiveness, but he wasn't speeding, under the influence, etc. I told him any one of us could have been in any of the 3 positions. I cried some more for him, for Nikki and Joey, for her mom, and for myself. When I'm planning wedding stuff all I can think about was that Nikki was doing this, she should be married by now....all day I cried it was really a mess, I think it had been pent up for months. Poor jon did the only thing he knew would make me feel better: backrubs and Sushi :)

I feel like I'm getting a better grasp on life again. This week I will set a date, put down the deposit, and next week set up a caterer. And I've decided to give Jon something to do. previously we were tackling things together but then decisions don't get made.

Miss you guys! it was so much easier in college even if I was eating Ramen and riding my bike to summer class b/c gas and the bus was too much $$$. where's my 40, Bid Like a Spaz, and Cottage Inn Pizza?

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Hey There Deliliah

has anyone met a schizophrenic lately?
church, Nikkia, blackout curtains, windchimes, laundry, chicken fajita wrap better tasting and healthier than Applebees (shh...no one tell Matt shhh), phone call from mom- in EL friend lost keys-Can u drive us home?, planting flowers, holey ol' soccer socks, keys found, facebook, Wings game (FUCK!), spaced out, Infidel (excellent book so far), organizing clutter EVERYWHERE (yes I am a neatfreak), kid droppin coins everywhere- me on hands and knees picking up pennies for a 3yr old, too tired to process things- not tired enough to sleep, thud thud thud of laundry, loud TV Jon left on, back/hips hurt so bad I sleep in 2nd bedroom without him, rain, sister ran into old classmate of mine who thought she was me at first,

wish I was somewhere on a beach braiding hair for money- are there such thing as beach nurses? I'll wear the ridiculous Baywatch swimsuit if I get paid $20/hr to potentially save lives

Question of the week:
Planning a Wedding is...
a) a glorious pasttime
b) expensive
c) so much fun I wish I can plan two!
d) so much fun I'd rather plan my death
e) every woman's dream
f) overrated

Answers: you know me- what is your guess?

GO WINGS please don't fuck this up! my highlights are watching PISTONS and WINGS games and seeing Jon (which is rare these days). So do NOT fuck this up!

Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: loud TV upstairs left on by fiance

Someone hit the Fast forward button on Life
I didn't realize how infrequent I post on here anymore.

Jessie's life updates:
- New Job is going well, more stressful than I imagined. went to a neuro conference in FL last week. got tan and learned a ton.
- Moved into a new place with Jon. it's a townhome in Hudsonville. I love the room, and there's a nature preserve behind our place so our porch and walkout both overlook lush trees now. LOVE it. the move in was stressful but my parents and three of jon's friends showed up to help.
- On Easter Jon and I got engaged! He did it really casually because all the elaborate ideas he decided wasn't really him and he'd mess up. I was really thrown off by it b/c he led me to believe the sapphire would take months to find-which apparently not. It's a sapphire in the middle with a diamond on each side, all princess cut. I love it!
- Wedding planning.....we've decided on a year a season: Summer 08. I typed up a tentative guest list but we really need to start looking at places and set a date. but seeing as we never see each other- it's hard. hopefully end of May I will have a date at least.
- Jon's working in the Surgical ICU now. which is nice that we don't have the complication of working together but he's on orienation on days and I'm on nights, so we rarely see each other. although we live together we see each other so little I miss him-weird. He's looking in to Nurse Anesthetist master programs. so far it looks like Oakland Unv., Virginia Commonwealth, and possibly MSU if they get their program going enough. Not sure if he goes to MSU or Oakland if we'll relocated. he may just commute.
- I have an ulcer. nice eh? 23yrs old and I have a fuckin ulcer! so what does that mean? first it hurts, I have reflux like no other, I'm supposed to eliminate alcohol and acidic food for the time being, and if it doesn't go away I have to have a scope shoved down my throat-pleasant.
- I have decided I need to reduce my stress immensely. so now I listen to relaxing music on my drive home and I read and jog again- which it has been a lot time since Ive done either.

GO WINGS and GO PISTONS!

We have a spare room in the bottom level so if anyone wants a change of venue for a weekend come visit! Miss you all!

Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: ESPN news in background

maggie's anyone?
Sat March 3rd: Friend's Wedding in East Lansing.

Anyone wanna hit up Maggie's or somewhere else afterwards?

Wedding starts at 3pm-reception following so I figured we'd be outta there 10-12m area if not earlier.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: ESPN in the background

High Roller
The Job Application Update
Monday's (Feb 5) interview went well...but she started with "it's always good to get interview experience" translation "you have no chance but have fun!" but I knew that.

Thursday(Feb 8) Manager calls me at work and asks me to attend a Neuro Conference in Florida-paid by work. But the catch is she wants a "gentleman's contract" of 2yrs. I inform her that I cannot do that since it's all dependant on the Night Sup position, that I don't know where I see myself professionally in a year if I do not receive that position. "well we better get on that-when do you work next?" Heidi reponds.

there are only 2 of us still in the running, me and the woman who was 1st offered 6mnths ago and turned it down for "personal reasons"=money. when she reapplied my manager pretty much told me she had the position- and wasn't even going to interview me. but HR informed my manager since the interview was more than 6mnths ago- Tina has to be reinterviewed. I was pulled to a different floor today (still thurs)-after work Jon tells me my coworkers were writing letters in Heidi in support of me-some a page long.

Tues (Feb 13th) Group interview with floor. Nervous b/c I only the weekend to tell people to come. Tina goes first-she does well- vague answers- intense situation- coworkers really challenging her leadership/communication style. My turn- I get grilled from manager and educator r/t my lack of experience. My coworkers grill me too....but honestly...I rocked it! But doesn't mean anything- at least I had interview experience right.

Thurs (Feb 15th) manager calls me into office and tells me someone will be offered the job tomorrow. eeek!

Friday Feb 16th. 0700 at work just finishing up the night. I'm charge nurse in my little office. secretary calls me "hey I got a phone call for ya- and it's HR dude!" says steph. NERVOUS!! does HR call to tell you you're shit outta luck? I close the door to the office. Patrice Robinson offers me the job!!! caught off guard, all I can think about is hanging our heart monitor strips for the new RNs...so I call her back 1000 and officially accept. I'm Night Supervisor...holy shit!

[I feel bad for Tina. what a slap in her face. I have worked at Spectrum for 13mnths exactly feb 16th, had my license only 9! but ya know what-she shouldn't have turned it down 6mnths ago. she shouldn't have gone Alpha female on me in the hallway when I was asking her advice about the position weeks ago. And she could have asked Heidi for the job anytime from last june to a month ago and I would have never considered the position-Heidi would have never encouraged me to apply. so I may feel a little bad, but I can confidently say I'm a better match for the job than her.]

The Boyfriend Update
Monday night we went out for Valentine's Day since we both have to work weds. He took me to Blue Water Grill which on the Rogue River. we had a bottle of wine, and lots of delicious food! I got him a case of Blue Moon (his fav) and a framed 5x7 of us (thanks gwen for helping me with the photo!). he got me a gorgeous arrangement of Gerber Daisies-my fav and Krispee Kreme original donuts-also my fav!

He met my parents last night in Holland. All is well, they got along well as expected. He and I are more seriously talking about moving in together. My crazy mom she so hesitant about us moving in together "living in sin" haha right. that she wants us to get married..."a fall wedding would be nice". we will get married someday....just not in 6mths. I don't know many moms that pressure their daughters to get married.

Life is so crazy and so much has changed in the past year or so-but I'm so extremely happy! I am now Night Supervisor and looking for apartments with my boyfriend who I am so in love with. OH OH and before-when we thought I had no chance in hell in this position-Jon interviewed for ICU-which looks like he'll get the position no prob. we agreed to stay in GR for him...as consolation to me he told me I could have a DOG!!! so looking for apts that can have a dog too....A new job, an awesome boyfriend, soon to be new apt and dog! I cannot stop smiling!

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: silence

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